I went on a modified fast under the supervision of a doctor after several years of gaining weight in my 30s. It was basically a starvation diet. It worked wonders. I was back to my ideal weight. Only problem is, that after a year of starving with the help of a medical professional (so I didn't hurt myself), I was still fat according to my BMI. People started telling me I was crazy and didn't need to lose more weight. I worked out 6 days a week. Which included a mix of strength training with a personal trainer, spin, jogging, hiking, gym visits, and group classes like HIIT and yoga sculpt. I ate less than a thousand calories most days. I had to have my blood checked every two weeks, to help the doctor control my vitamin/uric acid levels. It made me realize the only way for my BMI to make sense was if I just died.

I've continued working out with my trainer (even during the pandemic at a small private gym where we could isolate ourselves), but I started eating all the food groups again. Yes, I've gained some weight back, but I am so much happier. My blood work reports that I am perfectly healthy at every check up despite my doctor's insistence that I always need to lose weight. I would be happy to if there was ever going to be an end goal that didn't equal a living death. So now I try really hard not to get mad at the scale and to eat whole, healthy food while not depriving myself the joy of a cocktail party. If there was one sentence that could define my whole life it would be what my grandmother told me one summer: "You're a beautiful girl, but there's nothing pretty about fat." She told me this while I was wearing a string bikini that would look far less attractive on me now then it did then. Thanks, grandma!

Love,

The Girl Who Always Needs to Lose 15 lbs